veni, vidi, vici.
— allison pfander (@alli_baabaa) September 19, 2013
It’s been over two years that I’ve been dealing with it. I am so horribly trapped that I don’t know what else to do. I can’t leave; it will make things worse. I can’t hide; I’ll be found. Even though I know getting away is the right thing to do, I can’t bring myself to do it.
When my brother found out, he could not even look at me. He was in complete disbelief and was actually angry at me for not taking action sooner. He is convinced that the only reason I am taking action now is because he knows. This may be true. He is the flame under my butt, as some people say it, but honestly, I couldn’t be more thankful. This is not something that I can just come out and tell my family at dinnertime. It is also something that my parents would be better off not knowing, for my sake and for his.
I woke up this morning, and knew today was the day. I walked into my brother’s room and told him I was going to do it. I quickly got dressed, not caring how I looked, got in my car, and headed to his house. He was outside when I got there.
“I am over you. I don’t deserve you. I deserve someone who will stay loyal to me. I don’t know how you could do this to me, but I don’t even want an explanation. You do not get a chance to redeem yourself. You just lost the best thing that ever happened to you.”
And home I went, with a smile on my face so genuine and big, that people wouldn’t recognize me.